So between setting up my Fantasy Football league, and my wife's birthday it's been a little hectic since my last post. I try to get at least one post out a week but sometimes life gets in the way, you know what I mean?
Anyway, anyone ever read The Punisher? It's one of my favorite comics of all time, and it's really been a shame that after 3 movies they still haven't gotten it right. But whatever, that's a topic for another time. One of the many awesome things about reading the Punisher is that every couple months or so they would come out with issues of Punisher Armory. Basically it was pages of cool shit Frank Castle would use in his never ending quest for revenge. There would be a page with a modified sniper rifle, and Frank would describe in detail what it was, how he used it and maybe offer cool anecdote or two.
So let's take it a step further. How many shooters have you played? How much virtual death have you dealt out? Plenty right? I'm sure you had a few favorite weapons in your video game career. I definitely do. So I wanted to take a moment a create my armory issue. Or, how I would outfit my video game super soldier. Fuck balance issues. I'd drop this guy into any game and own it.
OK, so first of all my super soldier would need to be a Spartan. A handsome one at that. No Master Chief ambiguity here. Spartans have regenerative armor, superhuman, and can drive any vehicle and use any weapon. A key element in crafting a soldier that will use weapons from any video game. He would be a master of Jeet Kune Do, Brazilian JiuJitsu, and Muay Thai. And of course, he talk trash better then Cheal Sonnen and Ali on bath salts. Nothing's better then winning when you can let your opponent know HOW BAD they are losing, am I right? Let's get to it, but keep in mind, these are MY favorite weapons, but not necessarily the best in the game they are in.
Lightsaber. (Any Star Wars game) = The melee weapon of choice. Ol' Ben Kenobi said it best, "An elegant weapon for a more civilized age." No weapon is more sick then a lightsaber. Period. And there are plenty of original Star Wars games to allow inclusion in the arsenal.
Hidden Blade (Assassins creed) = Beyond sneaky. When disarmed it's nice to have a little surprise up your sleeve, literally. Fuck it, I would have one on each hand like Ezio.
M90 C.A.W.S. (Halo series) = 8 gauge pump action shotgun with a pistol grip. Ultimate badassery. The finest shotgun in any FPS ever. I love having a shotgun in an FPS, and there's no other I'd prefer then Halo's version. Depending on the Halo game you're talking about, the stats are tweaked a little here and there. Whatever, give me this shotgun over any other. Nothing feels or sounds better.
P90 (COD Modern Warfare) = P90 bitch. Nuff said. This thing may look weird, but it was specifically designed by a Belgium company to maneuver it tight spaces. It also boasts an insanely deep clip and high rate of fire for a submachine gun. In pure COD terms, ill also throw rapid fire on this mutha to create the definitive "lead hose". Fuckin A, on CSI a killer used the 90 to CHOP LIMBS OFF with it. Again, P90 bitch. WHAT
Spreadgun (Contra) = the first "super weapon" in the history shooters. Many pretenders but there's only one original. When you shot one of those metal footballs and saw that "S" you knew it was on. I'm not really considering this a separate gun, but ammo for the guns in my loadout. Imagine any gun on this list with bullets that fan out, taking out multiple targets at once?
M224-1A (Killzone) = I'm normally not a Light Machine gun guy. The ammo size is nice, and it's certainly intimidating looking. Who doesn't want to look like Rambo at the end of First Blood part 2? But usually rolling with an LMG means slower movement, big time kick and LONG reload times. Not with this baby. I wish this gun was in COD. The ISA or Helgast must have developed some space age ceramic metal cause this thing must be super light. No movement penalty and the kick is strong but feels good and definitely manageable. So you get everything you love about an LMG, but nothing you hate. So that means ownage.
Farsight XR-20 (Perfect Dark) = Looking for the perfect sniper rifle? Look no further. This baby has an X-Ray scope. Yea fuck your thermal sight. When you look down the sight of this monster, everything looks like the customs scene in Total Recall. And you can shoot them. Through the walls. Peace.
Hammer of Dawn (Gears of War) = So what's better then calling in an AC-130? Marking someone with a laser so a fucking SATELLITE can rain hot laser death on you from orbit. And I don't need to hide in a corner and count to 11.
So there you have it. My first Armory issue. Those are my all time favs, but there are plenty more. I'd love to hear yours, or how much you hate mine. Come see me online, I'd love to shoot you with one of these.
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