Why don't you get a job?

Classic.

Little kids online. Nothing wrong with that per say, but really, what's a 12 year doing playing an M rated game anyway? I'm not to talk, I understand. Shit, if I was 12 nowadays I would cut my own arm off to play online. But really lets get down to it....Douchebaggery exists at any age.

Let's be real, for as unbelievably cool online play can be, it can bring out the worst in people. There are plenty of online fuckwad archetypes out there: The Hyper Racist. The Griefer. Know-it-all-wanna-be-pro, or worse, The Know-it-all-who-THINKS-they're-pro. The cat who puts a mic on, only to talk on the phone. The uber-complainer. But for me, and I'm sure I'm speaking for a lot of you out there, it's the Douchlord Kids who take the cake right?

Just cause your voice is still squeaky on the mic doesn't automatically make you a herb, noob, douche etc. I have played with many "kids" that were cool and mature enough. But for a lot of em....when you're all snuggled up in your room, with the mic on, in complete anonymity, the crap rises right out of em. I'm all for shittalking. Please, I LIVE to shit talk, but let's have a little class right? And you need to be on the ball, quick witted. With these kids it's bringing a butter knife to a Lightsaber fight. Get lost little fuck. There are plenty of games for you that are age appropriate. Clean your plate, do your chores, finish your homework, and maybe Mommy will buy you one. Leave the grown up shit to the grown ups. But here's the thing that urks me the most. Despite their shortcomings, and possibly dragging your team down by completely sucking (at least be competitive kids please)....THEY DON'T SHUT UP. They fill your TV/mic with verbal diarrhea. Most of the time making no sense at all. Yes, yes I know....Mute them Flow. If it's that bad, avoid them. True. I do eventually. But there are two problems with that:

1) The rest of the team probably AREN'T muting him/her. So now your team, instead of relaying info or at least being silent (no problem with that), are now yelling, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, GO TO BED etc, etc."

2) Or you miss out on classics like what happened to me last night. So me and my boy Bart_Maul are playing some Killzone 3. A bunch of us try to roll together on Wednesday Nights (AWWR Night, more on that later). So anyways, we're playing Bodycount, you know....and we got thrown into a room with hardly anyone in it. So its basically 2 on 1 until we are joined by two young gentlemen that will go nameless. They are on our team mind you. The two of them are talking about the maps, and basic strategy....apparently one of them never really played Killzone. Listen, no problem here, believe me. Bart and I were talking about whatever anyway. So then one of them says something silly, I forget now, but honestly it was nothing. I chuckled. I wasn't trying to be rude, in fact I was going to chime in on this little Killzone 101 session. But that was not to be this game, no sir. I mind as well told our little friend to go fuck his mother, cause he began some the some of the worst...and I mean WORST shit talking I have ever heard in my online career. And it was never ending my friends. You couldn't say a word to this kid. He was a living run on sentence consisting of poor toilet humor, bad jokes, racism and the possibly the worst Cheech and Chong impression ever made. That's right, this little one pulls out Cheech and Chong. I have less of an idea where that came from then you.

But the part that was classic, the part that made listening worth it to me was this....I had asked his boy to get back to the KZ lesson and stop talking and he asked,

"Why don't you get a job?"

Motherfucker, I need TWO. Classic. I'm still laughing at that. Case Closed.

Listen, if YOU have a job (I'm kidding, not a requirement, couldn't resist), and still love games as much as I do, keep reading. Plenty more where this came from. Follow me on Twitter, or hit me up on PSN or XBL. It's all floworcrash baby. Real easy. Hope to see you out there.